“They will miss their gifts . . . but

As far as I’m concerned,

They really don’t deserve them,

After all, isn’t it better to give?

They gave me a perfect opportunity,

and I received . . .

I cased and waited, saw the family go

To Grandma’s for Christmas dinner

With wrapped presents, food in bags,

The good stuff left behind,

— Good stuff I never seem

To have—gifts from loved ones,

Warm fleece, fancy candy, jewelry,

A fine watch, toys and technology,

Stuff my kids wouldn’t get, except

For me being smart enough,

Quick enough, callous enough,

To use a crowbar on the back door . . .

Which later I felt a little bad about . . .

Until I checked my new watch,

Saw the time and realized, it had been

The best Christmas ever.”

— Jimmy the Crowbar